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HomeMental Health"Do I Have Mommy Points?" Ask a Therapist — Talkspace

“Do I Have Mommy Points?” Ask a Therapist — Talkspace


What Are Mommy Points?

Basically, mommy points are the psychological challenges you take care of as an grownup that end result out of your childhood relationship together with your mom or one other grownup feminine determine in your life. For those who’re experiencing mommy points in a technique or one other, your relationship together with your mom was doubtless missing.

Most individuals agree that the mother-child relationship is likely one of the most vital dynamics in life. It’s logical that should you had an unhealthy relationship together with your mom, particularly throughout your childhood, it may simply have an effect in your grownup relationships.

It could possibly be that your mom was too controlling or that she was loving however failed to supply important emotional assist. Perhaps she manipulated you in a harsh method or she abused or uncared for you. Mommy points may end up from many various maternal behaviors, and also you is likely to be stunned to study that a few of them are seemingly harmless and even seem like well-meaning on the floor. Not all mommy points are the results of abuse or neglectful conduct.

Mommy points may end up from each overly permissive and overprotective moms. Some moms are extra centered on being their youngster’s finest buddy somewhat than offering strong, structured maternal management. Whereas a proud, doting mom definitely appears admirable, typically these are the precise forms of relationships that may turn into poisonous and trigger long-term detriment.

The psychology behind mommy points

To completely perceive mommy points, it’s vital to take a look at among the behaviors and relationships in childhood that may contribute to — or flat-out trigger — a youngster to develop mommy points of their future.

“Relationships are the place for unmet expectations to floor and mommy points are not any much less intrusive till they’re projected in the direction of a associate. We are able to’t be omniscient about the place our vulnerabilities will land, nevertheless it’s a good suggestion to follow self consciousness somewhat than displacing unfulfilled expectations onto a associate.”

Talkspace therapist Elizabeth Keohan, LCSW-C, LICSW, LCSW.

What causes mommy points?

Lengthy-lasting psychological results can come from any substandard parent-child relationship. Kids could develop both mommy points, daddy points, or a mixture of each. 

Each family, youngster, mom, and father — each side of a household dynamic — is totally distinctive. Thus, it may possibly really feel unattainable to gauge the exact results of any given state of affairs or relationship. That mentioned, there are some accepted requirements and beliefs concerning what may trigger mommy points. 

These may embrace a mom who:

  • Was bodily, emotionally, or sexually abusive
  • Was fully or principally absent
  • Handled a father poorly
  • Was extraordinarily overbearing
  • Was unloving or non-nurturing

Keep in mind that these are simply among the potential causes of mommy points. All mom and youngster relationships are complicated, and with so many points to the connection, it may be tough to ever absolutely perceive the true trigger for somebody’s mommy points.


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